by Scoobie Davis
Someone once said that if 1000 monkeys are on typewriters long enough, eventually one will type a Shakespeare play. Perhaps this is true. I do know that a few thousand monkeys on keyboards were able to create the Free Republic web site. These are the kinds of thoughts that go through my mind when I read The Savage Nation by Michael Savage; the incoherence is staggering. It also staggers me that as I write this, The Savage Nation is number four on Amazon.com.
Here is Savage’s satirical (?) take on Al Gore’s supposed agenda:
Okay, we all know it’s not about Al Goreleone [sic], head of the Goreleone Crime Syndicate. Gore, we must remember, is “his own man.” No, our concern is about his agenda. In fact, I recently imagined a highly classified document from Al’s personal journal which spelled out what America might anticipate with Al Gore in the White House.
GORE’S CONTRACT AGAINST AMERICA
1. Homosexuals in the military and homosexual marriage.
2. Affirmative action, or The Fairness for Dummies Act
3. Reparations for non-slaves by non-slaveholders
4. Hate-crime laws aimed at straight, white males
5. Racial profiling laws, aimed at straight, white police
6. A United Nations tax or a world tax
7. Free prescription drugs not only for the elderly but also for AIDS patients
8. Delegitimizing the Boy Scouts, or The Fairness to Predators Act
9. Outlawing homeschooling, or The Freedom from Learning Act
10. Arrest [sic], ban, or rewrite the authentic Bible as a hate book
11. Mandatory application of Ritalin to any child with spunk, or The Security for Children Act
12. Complete elimination of borders with Mexico, or, The Fairness to Latinos Act
13. Partial-birth abortion or infanticide and the sale of baby body parts, or The Senior Citizen Life Extension Act
14. Increased license for Hollywood’s violence and pornography, or The Freedom of Arts Act
15. Socialized medicine and a national health plan, or The Freedom from Bad Behavior Act
16. The No Limits on Lawsuits Act
17. Mandatory suicide for sick seniors, or The Saving Social Security Act
18. The Fairness in Talk Radio Act, i.e., the end of talk radio
19. The end of the Electoral College and the congressional redistricting of America to ensure that never again will the Demoncats [sic] be threatened, or The One Dunce, One Vote Act
20. The complete seizing of all guns, or The Freedom from the Second Amendment Act
21. The abolition of our existing Constitution or The Freedom From Freedom Act
If this were intended to humorous, there’s one problem: there are no punch lines. In order to be good satire, something has to remotely reflect the target of ridicule. Except for perhaps affirmative action and gays in the military, there’s nothing in this agenda that Gore even remotely supports. It’s just invective word salad. I suspect item two was included just as an excuse for Savage to make a racist insult. Some of the alleged parts of Gore’s agenda don’t make any sense such as item 19; elimination of the Electoral College and congressional redistricting would do nothing to ensure that Democrats will never have their power threatened. Some agenda items contradict others—e.g., Savage seems to think that Gore is in favor of sacrificing babies to extend the lives of the sick elderly (item 13) but also that Gore is in favor getting rid of these same elderly sick people (item 17) AND giving them free prescription drugs (item 7). Which is it?
I realize this guy isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I expect some internal consistency. Where were the book editors? Oops. I just realized that the publisher is WorldNetDaily.