by Scoobie Davis
Happy President's Day (Presidents' Day?)
I don't know which it is correct. . . Welcome, Freepers. Joseph Farah devoted his daily WorldNetDaily column to my Googlebombing efforts and someone on the Free Republic web site linked to it. I'll comment on this later today. . .Also, later, today, I'll post on the DIY Convention; I promise. . . The other day, I had a Seinfeldesque a-scratch-not-a-pick incident at my yoga class. I go to yoga classes for two reasons: 1) I'm totally into yoga and a dharmic lifestyle; and 2)yoga classes are great places to meet hot, fit, dharmic women. Anyhow, in the class, my back was on the mat and my legs were bend. My shirt was up my back so the skin of my lower back was on the mat. There was suction between my lower back and the mat, which is made out of some rubbery-type substance. As I sat up, my back and the mat made a noise that sounded like breaking wind. It wasn't as if I could announce to the class: "I didn't rip one; that was mat suction."
In case you're not familiar with the Seinfeld episode I mentioned, here is the relevant action and dialogue:
[Jerry's car - BMW]
[Jerry scratching right side of nose. Tia in a cab sees him, in shock. Cab pulls away. (She thinks that Jerry was picking his nose)]
JERRY: No, No, No, No, Oh, No.
[Jerry hanging up phone]
JERRY: Well every day for the past four days she hasn't returned one call.
GEORGE: Was it a scratch or a pick?
JERRY: It was a scratch.
GEORGE: Hey. It's me.
JERRY: Don't you think I know the difference between a pick and a scratch?
ELAINE: (OC) It's me.
JERRY: Come on up.
GEORGE: Was there any nostril penetration?
JERRY: There may have been some incidental penetration. But from her angle she was in no position to make the call.
GEORGE: So let's say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?
JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?
GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air. ... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit.
JERRY: Let me ask you something. If you were going out with somebody and if she did that what would, would you do? Would you continue going out with her?
GEORGE: No. That's disgusting!
JERRY: Hello there you are.
TIA: What are you doing here?
JERRY: Well, I had to talk to you - I noticed you haven't been returning my calls.
TIA: Well, I've been busy.
JERRY: Because I - I thought we had a good time the other night, an' the only explanation I can come up with is that you think that you caught me (flustered, he
indicates a nose pick)
TIA: (Waving him off) I'd rather not talk about this..
JERRY: But I was clearly on the outer edge of the nostril.
TIA: I know what I saw. (Turns toward the elevators)
JERRY: But there - but there was no pick! I - I did not pick! There was no pick!
TIA: I gotta go. (Quickly walks away from Jerry)
JERRY: No! No pick!