by Scoobie Davis
War of the Worlds Premiere and Scientology
I checked out the War of the Worlds premiere last night. No, I didn't crash the after-party--they didn't even have an after-party to crash. That sucked.
There was a huge crowd outside Grauman's Chinese Theater for the premiere. I got there too late to get a WOTW t-shirt.
Ever since Tom Cruise became vocal about how Scientology is the answer to humanity's problems, there has been more media scrutiny of Scientology (which is a bad thing for Scientology). For instance, Salon is doing a four-part series on the cult and the first two installments are far from flattering (the first Salon story is a primer on Scientology's Xenu-based theology and the second story slams L. Ron Hubbard's turgid and sterile book, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health.
One thing from the first Salon article I didn't know was that Greta Van Stretched-Face was gullible enough to shell out the cash to go to the OT level of Scientology. I did more research on the net and found out that she was also scammed by a Scientology con artist. Maybe she actually believed her own bullshit when she joined Fox News and contended that they really were fair and balanced. Click here and scroll down to listen to Howard Stern's hilarious take on Van Susteren as a child of Dianetics.
One of the good things about living in LA is that with so many Scientologists fishing for live ones, it's a field day for mockers like me. Scientology has a fair game policy but so do I: if you approach me on the street trying to convert me, then expect to get ridiculed.
Around LA, there are Scientologists with e-meters and signs that read "FREE STRESS TEST." This is the first step to getting fresh suckers to the Dianetics scam. Whenever Scientology toadies offered me this "service," I've had success getting rid of them with the following responses:
"Do you think you could get John Travolta to give me a part in one of his movies?"
"I think I have a thetan cluster on my foot, but it might be a corn. Could you make a diagnosis?"
"I just spoke to Xenu and he told me I was already Clear."
[in a redneck voice looking at the e-meter]: "Ain't nobody gonna hook me up to no jumper cables!"