Posted 1:09 PM by Scoobie Davis

Dealing with LaRouchies
On Friday night, when I went to the Gaslamp Quarter to meet some people at the Martini Ranch, I was approached by a group of followers of perennial fringe presidential candidate Lyndon Larouche. They set up a table on 5th Avenue with their literature. Those of you familiar with this blog know that I rarely pass up an opportunity to mercilessly ridicule goofballs who approach me on the street. I do this not just for a laugh at their expense but because I earnestly believe that what these deluded souls desperately need is a cold dose of reality. They need an adult to tell them how they’re wasting their lives and to prod them to examine their ridiculous causes. Thus, my mockery is humanitarian and selfless (e.g., I once gave up a primo chance of getting laid to engage in some ridicule of a marginal politico).

I decided to adjust my approach this time because of something a friend recently told me. My friend agrees with me that Larouche is a nut job. However, he told me that many of the LaRouchies seem to be idealistic but misguided people and that a more constructive approach to them might work. So when I spoke to the LaRouchies, although I was my usual condescending self (e.g., I asked one of them if his parents knew he was a LaRouchie), I was a lot less caustic. I applauded them for being concerned about the issues but pointed out that working for a charlatan like Larouche was the wrong way to achieve their goals.

I also appealed to their self-interest. I let them know that LaRouche’s anhedonic positions against rock-and-roll and premarital sex were unnatural. I let them know about how rock music helped to make this country great. I also let them know about the virtues of recreational humping. I pointed to a male and female LaRouchie and said, “You two would make a good couple. You should hook up. You’re only young once and wasting your youth is a sin.” I don’t know if anything I said to them sunk in. I told them about this blog so maybe one of them is reading this and could e-mail me and tell me if I got through to any of them.