by Scoobie Davis
Sean Hannity Had Me Kicked Off of An Aircraft Carrier: Exclusive Story
Having crashed a lot of Hollywood parties, I've been bounced out of more than my fair share of expensive places--until yesterday, the most expensive place was the Four Seasons. Yesterday, I topped that in spades: I got kicked off of a friggin' aircraft carrier--for trying to ask Sean Hannity a quick question.
Here's the story: yesterday, the Hannity & Colmes show came to San Diego as part of Fox News' 10-year anniversary celebration. They had the show on the deck of the USS Midway Aircraft Carrier Museum. I was a member of the show's live audience. In order to blend in with the crowd, I shaved off my soul patch and trimmed my sideburns. In order to give the impression that I had short hair (at least from a front view), I put my hair in a ponytail--in fact, my hair was pulled back so tight that it looked like I had the same hair stylist as Mean Jean Schmidt (R-OH). I wore a pinstriped suit, a red and blue Gucci tie with an American flag tie pin.
The crowd of about 300 was about as fair and balanced as Fox News. I noticed a couple non-Caucasians but that was about it, making the crowd collectively pastier than the Bill O'Reilly event I attended in LA a couple years ago. Not surprisingly, before the show, when Hannity asked if there were any liberals in the crowd, I and two other people applauded.
My goals as an audience member were three-fold:
1) My main goal was to be part of the audience Q & A with the hosts (Colmes didn't make the trip so Bob Beckel co-hosted). I wanted to ask a tough but fair question. This didn't happen because, like the O'Reilly event I had attended, the questions were screened (audience members were given cards to write down questions before the show) and my question wasn't chosen.
2) When the camera panned the audience, I wanted to unfurl a 1' by 3' banner with the words "SLANTHEAD.COM." Slanthead.com is a site I have that contains an open letter to Fox News viewers ("Slanthead" is Ed Schultz's nickname for Hannity due to Hannity's funny-shaped head--which I can attest looks as funny-shaped in person as it does on TV). This didn't happen either because the camera panned the audience too fast for me to unfurl it with any chance for home viewers to see it. Quick note: during the show, I restrained myself from pimp-slapping Republican strategist Karen Hanretty for these comments.
3) After the show, I wanted to ask Hannity for his take on Ed Schultz's claim that Hannity dodged a debate with him when the two were in Cincinnati earlier this year. That's when the trouble started.
Before I go any further, I want to emphasize that Ed Schultz had nothing to do with either the domain name Slanthead.com or the question I wanted to ask about Hannity's debate-dodging. I just think slanthead is a hilarious nickname, so my friend grabbed the domain name for me. As for my question about Hannity's chickening out of a debate, I thought it would be interesting to get his side of the story and report it to the readers of this blog. The only time I spoke with Schultz was when he was in SD earlier this year and I asked him a question for the benefit of my blog readers.
Also, let me note that Hannity knows about me and this blog. The reasons: first, I have gotten on called Hannity's radio show twice and ate his lunch (the hilarious transcripts of the calls are on this blog, click here and here). More importantly, because of a Google bomb that I and another blogger did, my conversation with Hannity about GOP sexual hypocrisy has been in the top ten Google sites that pop up for a search of "Sean Hannity" for over a year and a half.
Anyway, after the show, Beckel and Hannity were hanging around and signing autographs for the crowd. I went up to Beckel and told him he rocked for calling Bush a draft dodger in front of a hostile crowd. Then I went over to where Hannity was signing autographs for a couple dozen of the audience members. He was flanked by a serious-looking guy in a suit, whom I'll call Smiley (I'm assuming Smiley is part of the dreaded "Fox Security"). Here is the brief exchange between Hannity and me:
ME: Mr. Hannity, I have a quick question for my blog.
HANNITY: What's the name of your blog?
ME: It's called Scoobie Davis Online.
I could tell it took a second or two for the tumblers in Hannity's head to click. He then turned his back to me and started signing other peoples' stuff and getting his picture taken with fans. I waited patiently for a couple minutes and when he turned back around and I said, "Excuse me--" Smiley then told me to "hold off." Hannity then took Smiley aside and started whispering to him (Hannity was looking at me when he did this).
Smiley then came over and said, "Let go over there and talk." One thing I learned in my experience of crashing events is that when people say, "Let go over there and talk," they mean, "Let's go over there so we can toss your ass out of the joint." I figured since he didn't demand that I come with him that he wasn't with the Midway's security team, but was a Fox News employee. So I figured I would fuck with him for a while. I responded, "Well, I can hear you well here. What don't you tell me what you have to say here?" Smiley then repeated himself and then I repeated myself. My exchange with Smiley reminded me of the "Dude! You got a tattoo!" sequence
in the film Dude, Where's My Car?
. After I got tired of jerking Smiley around, I agreed to walk with him. We walked over to Midway's security area and Smiley told them to escort me off the carrier. Midway security then walked with me as I left the carrier.
This whole episode shows how the members of the radical right are a bunch of wusses. Even if Hannity thought I was going to ask him an insulting question, he had the crowd on his side. But the fact is that I wanted to ask him a legitimate question in a respectful manner--this despite the fact that he engages in insults and personal attacks against those he disagrees with (e.g., his false accusation that I was making things up when I told him about Jerry Falwell's phony infomercial
s and his insulting behavior toward Alec Baldwin
). Hannity is great with professional punching bags like Alan Colmes, but when it comes to people who know what the score is, Hannity would rather dodge than fight. UPDATE: Here's some empirical evidence that Hannity is a total pantywaist
UPDATE: San Diego's Citybeat has a short story on the incident